kingfu.co.uk

Bullshit & Ignorance

March 28, 2010

Fuck you, Terry Stone

Among the many films I watch are often pieces of British cinema. Gangsters and football hooligans feature prominently in an increasing number of films made here and the likes of Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels; Snatch, Layer Cake and The Football Factory are all pretty good examples of how to do it right; There are however a lot, and I do mean a lot, of very bad Brit-flicks out there, too. Danny “Straight to DVD” Dyer has been contributing more than his fair share of them recently, which is a shame as I like a lot of the guy’s earlier films (Human Traffic, Borstal Boy, The Football Factory). I guess he has bills to pay or something.

I only mention this because I just sat through Rollin’ With The Nines, which was painfully bad and featured the utterly talentless Terry Stone. I’m picking on Terry, because his typically wooden performance reminded me of quite how much he sucked in everything else I’ve seen him in, too (Rise Of The Foot Soldier, Ten Dead Men, Jack Said). Seriously, how does someone who can’t act, wind up as a professional actor?

Fuck you, Terry Stone.

March 26, 2010

Daylight Savings

Daylight savings are a bothersome thing. Granted they make economic and ecological sense, and for most people, extra daylight at the end of the working day is no bad thing. However, the act of making the transition is, at least when the clocks go forward, a deeply traumatic thing. They take one of our precious hours away from us. The reason that the theft of this valuable hour of our time is such a wounding blow is that they take away one of our weekend hours; those most precious units of time of which there are already too few. At the other end of this, I am well aware that there is a trade off, that come October the clocks will go back and we will get that warm sense of satisfaction that comes with knowing you can spend an extra hour in bed.

There’s no reason that moving the clocks forward needs to be a negative thing though. The solution is quite simple if you think about it. We move the time shift from early on a Sunday morning to, say, 16:00 on a Friday. That way, we get the time shift required and we all get to go home an hour early from work! That way the shift between GMT and BST (or whatever your regional equivalents are) would be a positive experience at both ends.

Clearly people need to get out there and start lobbying their elected representatives! Aren’t you all so lucky having me here to think through these hugely important issues?

March 24, 2010

Cyberpunk 2010

cyberpunk

Cyberpunk, for those of you who don’t know, is a sub-genre of science fiction. If you’re not sure what it is, Wikipedia has a fairly good article to explain it to you. The thing is, every day the fantasy element of Cyberpunk seems to be eroded more and more. The tech some of the genre’s seminal authors have written about is not only real now, but in some instances has been surpassed. Some of the social and political developments these people were writing fiction about are now facts.

We’re living in a world where robotic prosthetics are constantly being developed and improved, where a double amputee athlete wasn’t allowed to take part in the regular Olympics because his prosthetics were deemed to give him an unfair edge (seriously I’m not making this shit up) and where military science is developing crazy fucking force-field armour for tanks.

Add to that the growing dominance of huge corporate entities in world economics and politics, and really, where’s the fiction? We’re already living in a corporate run, greed driven dystopia where life is cheap and only style is forever!

Someone pass me a Glock and point me to the nearest Ripper doc already!

March 22, 2010

Shark infested…airwaves?

Recently I’ve seen a number of adverts on TV for companies offering short loans. I’ve no idea if it’s limited to the UK, but I doubt it. It bugs me. These companies present themselves as helpful, friendly approachable sorts who can lend you a few quid to pay your bills if you’re a bit short of cash this month or whatever. Sounds great, until you realise that these fucking parasites are charging an equivalent of around 2600% APR. You borrow a few quid from them for a week, you’re paying it back plus around 14% in fees and interest. There was a time people like that were known as loan sharks. Worst thing is of course, that the people they’re targeting with these kinds of advertisements are generally speaking people who can ill afford to be paying what little money they have to parasites like that, or they wouldn’t need the damn loans in the first place. Well done, loan-people. You have claimed your place alongside ambulance chasing personal injury lawyers, you bottom-feeding clusterfucks.

Predators


Predators

Science fiction horror-thrillers aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but the first Predator movie, much like the first couple of films in the Aliens franchise, was a pretty damn good film for those of us who do like them. I mention Aliens because of course the two franchises, which have been successfully fused in print and in games, have tried and failed twice to transfer that success to the silver screen. The mention of a new Predator film initially had me wincing in anticipation of another lame duck. Judging by the trailer however, I’m prepared to give it the benefit of the doubt at this point as it looks promising. The director is a relative unknown, but the production quality looks fairly high. Fingers crossed for a new classic this summer!

March 20, 2010

More like this…

screen shot from Lovefilm

Uh...what?

Okay, so I just got done watching a film on Lovefilm (UK version of Netflix, an excellent service for film obsessed persons) – my account gives me access to some titles to watch online inclusive in my package. The film was The Man Who Sued God, chosen because it features Billy Connolly in a starring role, and Billy Connolly is awesome. The film, as it turned out was a fairly average romantic comedy which, without the Big Yin, would probably have been even more mediocre. Anyway! It finishes, and I get what’s pictured above. Please, someone explain to me how the fuck a light hearted romantic comedy is like Saw III: Extreme edition?

March 19, 2010

It only took me a few years

Yeah yeah, I know I said I was going to do a site redesign about five years ago and only just got around to it, but I’ve been busy damn it.

I’ve built the site around WordPress this time out – built the template myself still mind you! It’s taken me a while to get onto the bandwagon with these “blogging” things. I mean, back in the olden days, when the internet was still in black and white and we all had to stand up and sing the National Anthem at midnight when it was shut down for the day, there was no such thing as a blog. You had a website; Your website contained animated background images and embedded midi files and things that spun and bounced and scrolled and were generally fucking hideous. Those of us who knew the dark arts of the internet dazzled people with our ability to put a border around something and make our website text different colours. Those were the days. These days of course, any fuckspoon with an internet connection can not only have a website or “blog”, but but the bloody things can even look good without any real effort or having to ever so much as look at the source code behind a page.

You have to love the internet. No other medium in history has made it so easy for people to share their views and experiences, no matter how extreme, deranged or simply mundane with potential audiences of literally hundreds of millions of people. Yes, yes, I know it’s also been a great platform for actually interesting things and worthwhile causes and so on too.

The internet trend that I find it hardest to get on board with, though, is the whole social networking thing. That’s not to say I don’t get the idea behind it, it’s pretty clever and I even used failbook for a while, but the sheer depths of stupidity people plunge to using that gaping sore on the internet is mind boggling. The obsession with playing facebook Pokemon (having as many “friends” as humanly possible) is entirely retarded. People you lost touch with a decade ago sending you messages and trying to add you as a friend – guess what, fuckers? There was a fucking reason we lost touch all that time ago. I don’t like you! If I did, I’d have taken the effort over the last 3650 days to have stayed in touch. I could (and probably will at some point) dedicate a full post to facebook, twitter and the like and the many, many things about them that I hate, but I’ll save that for another day.