kingfu.co.uk

Bullshit & Ignorance

May 20, 2010

Lemon Jammie Dodgers?!

The fact that I found the discovery of lemon Jammie Dodgers quite as exciting as I did is probably an indication that I need to get out more. However I did discover them and I was deeply thrilled by it. Jammie Dodgers are a childhood favourite of mine – not as epic as the biscuit king; The almighty Hobnob, but definitely a top-5 biscuit nonetheless.

I am a huge fan of lemony things. My favourite dessert of all time for example is lemon Meringue pie. When it comes to things to spread on bread, toast or crumpets, my preference is often lemon curd. So combining the awesome of a Jammie Dodger with lemon seemed like a pretty damn good idea to me. As it turns out it was a good idea, but they weren’t as epic as I thought they’d be. I’m not sure if that’s because the execution of the crafting of a lemon Jammie Dodger wasn’t as good as the idea itself, or because I had allowed myself to build up unrealistically high expectations for them! Either way, they were still pretty tasty.

It’s also possible to get little bite-sized Jammie Dodgers now. They’re good, but looking at them makes me wonder if there are enough miniature things in the world to play a prank on someone where they wake up surrounded by small versions of things and think they’ve grown into a giant overnight. I suspect you probably could but that’s a hell of a lot of effort and expense to go to for a fairly tame prank.

May 14, 2010

Holy Crap Batman!

Tory-LibDem coalition! Who’d have thunk it! I’m going to resist the urge to dissect the possible pros and cons and just them get on with shit. I’ll spare them (and you) my predictions and pass my judgement after they’ve had time to fuck everything up actually do something. Should be an interesting time.

Enough politics though. I’ve about had my fill of it for the time being. Instead, allow me to link you to this video of Russell Howard’s Dail Mail Cancer Song, which I found deeply amusing! I’ve mentioned I hate the Daily Mail, right?

May 7, 2010

Election 2010: Hung Parliament

I’m tired today, because I stayed up past my bed time to watch the election results coming in. Seems to me the whole event was a fucking shambles. Channel 4’s Alternative Election Night coverage finished around 1am and at that point there were fewer than two dozen results returned, which meant that three full hours after the polls closed we were still no closer to knowing a result.

Exit polls, which seem to have been fairly accurate, predicted a hung Parliament with the scum Conservatives as the largest party. Some time around 10:00 this morning enough results had been returned to confirm that no party has achieved a majority and so indeed we have a hung Parliament.

Gordon brown as the incumbent Prime Minister gets first crack at forming a coalition government. If he opts not to, or can’t then he must tender his resignation to the Queen, who will then have little choice but to offer David Cameron the opportunity to try to form a government, be that an unlikely coalition with the Liberal Democrats or, much as Harold Wilson did in 1974, form a minority government and hope he can make deals with other parties day-by-day to get legislation passed.

All in all it was a pretty disappointing night for the Lib Dems. They seem to have gained a tiny percentage of the overall vote, but despite what the media are now dubbing ‘Clegg-mania’ they actually lost seats. With no party able to take a majority however, those seats the Liberal Democrats did hold onto are more valuable than ever. Both Gordon Brown and David Cameron need Clegg’s support in order to realistically hope to command Parliament, which will give him significant leverage.

For me the biggest triumph of the election is that BNP leader and pudgy-faced-hatemonger Nick Griffin, was soundly trounced in Barking. Labour MP Margaret Hodge held onto her seat with a huge majority of over sixteen-thousand votes – an increase of around four-thousand from the 2005 election. I’d say the public has spoken loud and clear on that issue. Crawl back into whatever hole you climbed out of and stay there you horrible little man.

It will be interesting to see how things play out over the next few days. One thing we can be sure of from all of this however is that it won’t be more than a few months before we have to start this whole circus up again.

May 5, 2010

Be warned, this is going to get ranty…

I was going to write this yesterday, but horror of horrors I had actual work to do at work and my best laid schemes to spend my time writing articles for my personal website went aft, or something.

Yesterday morning I was linked an article, this article to be precise from the Boston Herald website. The article, for those of you who prefer to read through something before following links within it, is about a two year old boy called Jadm (That’s not even a name!) who took a sip from his Dad’s white Russian at a restaurant. Apparently, a waiter brought the drinks to the table and the kid picked it up and took a sip. So the mother of this child does what? She phones the police because, and I quote:

“I was so scared…I grabbed it out of his hand. Jeez. Try to get dinner and it’s a crime scene.”

Wait, what? it’s a crimescene? I hate her already.

Okay, so at this point we have a waiter bringing drinks to a table and some parents not watching their kids. The restaurant did what most businesses would and had the waiter apologise to smooth things over. This is where asshat of the month, the Dad of this kid has his finest moment:

“My son just drank alcohol. Sorry’s not going to cover it. I said to him, ‘Did you card my 2-year-old tonight?’ “

YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING CLOWN SHOE. The waiter didn’t serve your child an alcoholic drink, he put it on your table, which is what waiters do. You, as the parent of a small child are responsible for watching that child and making sure it’s not putting shit in its mouth its not meant to be.

Huge fuss over nothing. The whole thing smacks to me of the parents panicking, then going out of their way to blame the restaurant to deflect attention away from the fact they weren’t watching their kids. Guess what, fuckers? It’s not the rest of society’s job to watch your children for you. You spawned them, you take care of them.

Apparently they used to go to that restaurant all the time, but won’t be going back. I bet the staff are utterly devastated…

Oh, and the police shockingly enough found no evidence of any wrongdoing by the restaurant. Anyone else as surprised by that as I am?