kingfu.co.uk

Bullshit & Ignorance

September 20, 2010

An Open Letter to Terry Stone

Dear Terry,

I understand that there’s a chance that the commenter on my previous post about you being a talentless hack may just be a troll, who has used your name, domain name and email address to comment, but for the sake of lulz, I’ll assume it really is you and take this opportunity to respond.

Firstly, with regard to your suggestion about changing my name, it’s good to know you’re as witty as you are talented as an actor, Terry. Allow me also to extend to you my congratulations. Clearly your acting career, if we can call it that, is going from strength to strength when you have the time to respond to your critics personally. Especially since the criticism in this instance was a short, throw-away post on an obscure blog on these here intertubes.

Searching for Terry Stone will bring up my little rant about you on the first page of a number of popular search engines. Ouch. Time to sack your publicist, Terry. Trouble is, you see, that by posting your witty comment and including a link to your website in the comment, you’re telling the search engines that my post about you has direct relevance to your own website. Nice. Also, I’d forgotten all about you, but now I’m here writing about you again, which means that even more internet traffic searching for you is going to find its way here.

It’s all good, Terry. You keep banging out those straight to DVD cinematic treats you’re uh, well I was going to say ‘famed for’ but that’s probably stretching it. Let’s settle for ‘sort of recognised for sometimes by a very small subset of people, mostly those who remember you as Terry Turbo’ instead, shall we? If you’d like some advice on which roles to look for, I’d suggest looking out for another Robin Hood movie. They always need trees, and you have wooden down man, like no one does wooden like you.

Yours Sincerely,

King[Fu]

September 3, 2010

I may have mellowed

I may have mellowed some from my rage-filled-rants of the early 90s, but there are still some things that set me off. If there’s one thing liable to set me off at the moment, it’s people walking along the street, sitting on buses and trains or pretty much anywhere in public, listening to music on their phones, without using headphones.

I’m well aware this is a pretty trivial thing to get The Rageā„¢ about, but seriously, it annoys the fuck out of me. It’s bad enough that the kind of people who do this tend to favour bland, mass produced R&B and the like, which they inflict on everyone around them, but the fact we’re forced to endure it being played through a small, tinny speaker just increases my desire to punch them in the throat.

I don’t, of course because these days I’m a well adjusted, responsible member of society[1]; but I’m fairly sure not only would I take great pleasure from dashing their prized phone to the floor and crushing it under the heel of one of my size 11s, before preaching to them from the book of violence, but that I would receive a standing ovation from other passers by or passengers as I did so.

Okay, I’ve got that off my chest now. You may feel free to carry on about your business. Nothing to see here.

[1] What? I am! Stop laughing…Yeah, you. I can see you. Just stop it…